| | Jokes ;) | |
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+2Zurenriri lawliet-ryuuzaki 6 posters | |
Author | Message |
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maxsteele77 Exorcist Order
Number of posts : 1298 Age : 34 Location : Australia Registration date : 2008-05-18
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:08 pm | |
| lol nice jokes, especially the Orochimaru one it cracked me up. | |
| | | Higure Admin
Number of posts : 1733 Age : 35 Registration date : 2008-03-02
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:30 pm | |
| I know, I really lol'd when I read that. I'm one of those people who believe Orochimaru is a gay pedophile. I mean. seriously how can he not be XD | |
| | | maxsteele77 Exorcist Order
Number of posts : 1298 Age : 34 Location : Australia Registration date : 2008-05-18
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:37 pm | |
| He IS the 2nd anime Michael Jackson (the other being Jango from OP), hes pale, got a weird nose, likes children just a little to much and im sure he can moon walk. | |
| | | Higure Admin
Number of posts : 1733 Age : 35 Registration date : 2008-03-02
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:57 pm | |
| LOL. most likely. I mean he "wants" Sasuke's body, how much more creepy gay pedo can you get? | |
| | | maxsteele77 Exorcist Order
Number of posts : 1298 Age : 34 Location : Australia Registration date : 2008-05-18
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 6:05 pm | |
| lol you obviously havn't been watching Monochrome Factor, now theres a FAR more creepy pedo. | |
| | | Higure Admin
Number of posts : 1733 Age : 35 Registration date : 2008-03-02
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 6:45 pm | |
| if there are I do no wish to watch it o.O | |
| | | maxsteele77 Exorcist Order
Number of posts : 1298 Age : 34 Location : Australia Registration date : 2008-05-18
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Mon Jul 14, 2008 7:49 pm | |
| lol its not like hes just a straight pedo, hes not even human so technically he can't be a pedo. But he is the spitting image of MJ. | |
| | | DBlood-God Human
Number of posts : 38 Age : 31 Location : ישראל.ירושלים israel/jerusal Registration date : 2008-06-21
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:59 pm | |
| Good jokes 1) top ten lists - Spoiler:
Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...
10. Hey! Now there's a gift! 9. Well, well, well... 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires. 5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious! 4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire. 3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program. 2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity. 1. I really don't deserve this.
Top Ten Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's... 10. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line. 9. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 8. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person. 7. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. 6. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 5. You chat on-line regularly with a stranger from the US, but haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year. 4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask if they're ready to go to lunch. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO... 10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming. 8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill. 7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day". 6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy. 4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter. 3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park". 1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked... 1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. 5. You want to see if it's like the dream. 6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume. 7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. 8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning. 10. No one steals your chair.
Top Ten Ways To Be An Annoying Usher... 10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk. 9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here. 8. Two words: "Bathroom Key" 7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional. 6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats. 5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory. 4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits. 3. Offer your "services" to all guests. 2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination. 1. Insist on a pants-free environment.
Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents... 10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost. 9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too. 8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it? 7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her. 6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion. 5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times. 4. Can you believe it! Those crap heads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check! 3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head? 2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday? 1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
Top Ten Reasons Studying is Better Than Sex... 10. You can usually find someone to do it with. 9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off. 8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame. 7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it. 6. A little coffee and you can do it all night. 5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser." 4. You can do it, eat and watch TV all at the same time. 3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle. 2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it. 1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
Top Ten Signs Your Spouse Is Having A Cyber Affair... 10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked. 9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette. 8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive. 7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up. 6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand. 5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers. 4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear. 3. During sex she screams "A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!" 2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass. 1. Lipstick on the mouse.
Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly is Unzipped... 1. The cucumber has left the salad. 2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 6. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary". 8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? 10. Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Real Estate Agent When You Go To Settlement On Your New Home... 1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home's garden." 2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground." 3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it." 4. "One bleeding toilet doesn't necessarily mean it's haunted." 5. "Your neighbour has assured me that, technically, they're not 'killer' bees." 6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property." 7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity." 8. "Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?" 9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder." 10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't 10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He's one hard judge! 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers. 7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6. Is it a penal offense? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good! 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. 1. Think you can get me off?
TOP TEN LIST OF PUT DOWNS TO MEN 1. Please don't talk to my breasts. You won't be meeting them. 2. If you want to control someone, sleep with your remote. 3. I always choose chocolate over men. ALWAYS 4. 51% love goddess...49% bitch. Care to push your luck? 5. My sexual preference is NO 6. My body is my temple, now get on your knees and pray. 7. It's not the size that counts, it's...no, wait, size does count. 8. Remember men, girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice. 9. Men are like hardwood floors, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever. 10. Save your breath for you inflatable date. TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED... 10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk". 9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 8. The cat is on Valium. 7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth. 6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated. 5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family. 4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners. 3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials. 2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash. 1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS... 10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet 8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-crap." 5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male. 3. You're counting down the days until menopause. 2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND... 10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. Fat clothes 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell 4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow 3. Eyelash curlers 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made 1. OTHER WOMEN
TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH... 10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists. 6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class. 5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do. 4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before! 3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early. 2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas. 1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
TOP TEN TV SHOWS IN IRAQ 10. Husseinfeld 9. Mad About Everything 8. Allah McBeal 7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror 6. Achmed's Creek 5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right 4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest 3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show 2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs 1. Suddenly Sanctions
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES 10. They ask for all their money in quarters. 9. They're not sure what season, or year it is. 8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends). 7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards. 6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams. 5. Their fingers twitch all the time. 4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right. 3. They can play 2 player games by themselves. 2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name. 1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM 10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns 9. Wind Beneath My Vestments 8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy) 7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe 6. Exactly Like A Virgin 5. Sistine Candles 4. Take This Job And Read It 3. Gettin' Popey Wit It 2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me 1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER 10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his. 9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it. 8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler. 7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago." 6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine. 5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch. 4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast. 3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth." 2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill. 1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent. 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 7. Look at the size of his putter. 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it. 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired. 1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX..... 10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me. 6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are. 5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy. 4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. Less guilt the morning after. 1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
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| | | DBlood-God Human
Number of posts : 38 Age : 31 Location : ישראל.ירושלים israel/jerusal Registration date : 2008-06-21
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:00 pm | |
| This came from a particularly amusing friend..... When he came up with this, or were he got it from I can only guess, and I can only hope he didn't try any of these..... If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions... * Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. * Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" * If it is a math/science exam, This came from a particularly amusing friend..... When he came up with this, or were he got it from I can only guess, and I can only hope he didn't try any of these..... If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions... * Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. * Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" * If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. * Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. * Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. * Bring cheerleaders. * Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" * Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level. * On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. * Bring pets. * Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. * Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes. * Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. * Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else. * Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. * Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. * Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. * As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. * Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay. * Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. * Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. * Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..). * Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. * Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly. * Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink). * Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you start to hold your mouth and make "I'm about to bring something up" sounds.). * Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" * Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. * Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. * Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. * Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!" * Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. * From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. * Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. * If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. * Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. * Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation. * Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." * When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. * After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. * One word: Wrestlemania. * Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. * Try to get people in the room to do the wave. * Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. * Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. * Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. * During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. * Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. * Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so". * Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why My Professor Sucks". SUPER POST SUPER POST SUPER POST | |
| | | DBlood-God Human
Number of posts : 38 Age : 31 Location : ישראל.ירושלים israel/jerusal Registration date : 2008-06-21
| Subject: Re: Jokes ;) Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:01 pm | |
| women's 50 rules for men AND 36 rules to wemen These answers were not mine (I wish they were) a friend told them to me, and I found them amusing enough to add them here....... Yes girls, i know i'm a sexist prick, if you have a problem with that we can discuss it while your making my dinner! - Spoiler:
1. Call. 2. Don't lie. 3. Never tape any of her body parts together. 4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. 5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. 6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes." 7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" 8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. 9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. 10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. 11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad. 12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. 13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. 14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. 15. Her cooking is excellent. 16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. 17. Dishsoap is your friend. 18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. 19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. 20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. 21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" 22. Two words: clean socks. 23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. 24. Burping is not sexy. 25. You're wrong. 26. You're sorry. 27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. 28. Ditto for your discourse on football. 29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. 30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. 31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. 32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. 33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. 34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. 35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. 36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. 37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. 38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. 39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. 40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. 41. Always, always suck up to her brother. 42. Think boxers. 43. Silk boxers. 44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names. 45. Don't try to change the way she dresses. 46. Her haircut is never bad. 47. Don't let your friends pick on her. 48. Call. 49. Don't lie. 50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew... (In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men") 1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. 2. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 3. Don't make us guess. 4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. 6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship." 7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat. 8. Dogs are better than cats. 9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. 11. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 12. You have enough clothes. 13. You have too many shoes. 14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 15. Your brother is an idiot. 16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 18. Share the bathroom 19. Share the closet. 20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning. 23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 24. Check your oil. 25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. 35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.
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| | | DBlood-God Human
Number of posts : 38 Age : 31 Location : ישראל.ירושלים israel/jerusal Registration date : 2008-06-21
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